2021-35 || more difficult questions

Dinner at Kalvin's Szechuen Restaurant tonight: 

We also had sweet and sour pork ribs, and a vegetable dish with garlic, which are not in the photo, because they came later on. When we arrived at 5:30PM, the place had a few tables, but the take out orders were already piling up on one of their other tables. The server warned us that by 6:30PM, we would have to get out, because they had another reservation, so we had to order quickly and scarf everything down. 

Preserved vegetable with pork and hand made noodle, in soup. Pretty salty, but did not make me thirsty like food with MSG levels would.

 

This ginger pork liver (or is it kidney...?) dish was actually surprisingly good. They cooked it just enough so that it was done, and a crisp texture. 

Baby S didn't really eat much, other than carbs. That's OK though, all the carbs and salt from today will balance itself out over the week, when we offer her healthier options. The important part was that the grandparents had a blast watching her eat, watching her laugh, watching her personality coming through. Makes the last 15 months seem more worth it, when she is so much fun. 

I'm sure when I reread this in a few days, things will have changed with her again, and she might be a terror... 

I'm still really thinking about difficult questions, and how relationships can drift. My energy after hanging out with some people just gets extra low. My mind is filled with thoughts like, why don't we connect like we did before, and why does this take so much effort? Am I the problem here, not wanting to put in more effort and thinking maybe it's not worth it to try so hard? Were we really that close before, or were we friends of convenience? At a time like this, when we're wanting to grow our family and I'm starting a new job, maybe it's not wrong of me to stop thinking about certain relationships and focus on more uplifting topics. Need all the positive energy!!!

Also, it might just be extra hormones combined with poor sleep. Woke up last night at 4AM, couldn't fall asleep because I was too hungry, came downstairs for a snack, sat on the couch, and next thing I knew, it was 7AM, and baby S was screaming for me.